Breathe You In
Through all of my experiences, only a few times have cemented themself into my memory - memories that the movie Inside Out would call core memories. These memories are so influential that they become part of who I am and help define who I will become — I will never forget these experiences.
Since my earliest memories, attending church has been a constant in my life, albeit in varying forms over different stages. Despite the changes, my connection has remained constant. Throughout the years, I've experienced significant moments in my faith, encountering both setbacks and triumphs. Yet, amidst it all, this truth remains: my Savior loves me, and I love Him. There is a desire inside me to know Him and to be known by Him. A major reason for my unwavering faith is the most influential leader I have had in my life, Doug Buron, my Youth Pastor. There are a lot of stories he told that resonated, but one in particular grabbed hold of my heart and never let go.
I was probably 14 at the time, we had just finished listening to a message from Pastor Doug and as usual, were going into a time of worship and prayer. Everything seemed normal and we started singing a song I had heard many times before, The Air I Breathe. It is a relatively straightforward song and at 14, I just sang it like I always had. Midway through the song, Pastor Doug came up on stage and started talking about the song and the lyrics of the song. He told us to envision being a surfer who has just been thrown off his board in the ocean. Your senses betray you in the chaos, leaving you stranded in a disorienting ocean.
There is a relentless onslaught of waves crashing into you, but in confusion, you cannot discern where the safety of the shore ends and the threatening reef begins. Up and down merge, rendering you lost amidst the raging uncertainty. Your lungs begin to burn and ache — fighting to crest the surface you have expelled most of the air you so desperately need. Panic grips you like a vice, constantly squeezing and crushing. You become desperate. The very essence you crave with all your being has been ripped away from you. Your entire being is consumed by the gaping void that once held the object of your desire. Nothing else holds significance; all that matters now is desperately seeking to fill the agonizing chasm that now defines you. Unexpectedly, your hand shatters through the surface tension. A surge of newfound determination propels you toward the enveloping warmth that beckons you. Your head breaches the surface, gasping for precious air. Each breath is a convulsion of pain and ecstasy as your lungs strain to accommodate the long-lost essence they now greedily crave. In that instant, the air becomes more precious to you than ever before. Your career, finances, family, friendships, and belongings all pale in significance. Your breath is all that matters.
I want you to delve into the lyrics of the song I mentioned earlier, but this time, immerse yourself in the perspective of that surfer, battling the engulfing waves. Imagine that the air sustaining you is not just air, but the Holy Spirit dwelling within you.
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence
Living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word
Spoken to me
And I... I'm desperate for you
And I... I'm lost without you
Can you imagine desiring the Holy Spirit so intensely that your very being agonizes in His absence — that lacking the presence of God in your life would feel comparable to facing death itself? It might seem absurd, yet it's an undeniable reality. Without God, we deserve death. We warrant being cast away from His presence as the filthy and stained beings we are. It's the same as suffocating in the vast ocean, drifting aimlessly in its depths. Our existence finds no meaning apart from worshiping and serving Him. The good news? Our Savior decided to disregard what we rightfully deserve. Instead, He chose to create a path for us to encounter His presence every day! A pathway to breathe Him in and with every breath bring life to our broken and buried souls.